


closer now than ever

by herwhiteknight



Series: 365 Days of Sarah/Cosima [29]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: 4x07 and 4x08, Between Episodes, Bonding, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Prompt Fill, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 16:36:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11490378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herwhiteknight/pseuds/herwhiteknight
Summary: After one of the most harrowing nights of their lives, Cosima and Sarah are there for each other.





	closer now than ever

**Author's Note:**

> Day 30 of 365.

“I kissed a girl tonight, y'know,” Sarah says as she lies next to Cosima in the darkness of the Rabbit Hole basement.

Cosima shifts next to her, because clearly she hasn't been able to sleep either. “And you liked it?” she replies as sassily as she can despite the dark thoughts still in her head.

Sarah lifts an arm halfheartedly, barely debating a playful smack before letting her arm flop back onto the mattress as her head gives another dull, lasting throb. “Shut up arsehole,” she rolls her eyes, digging a shoulder into the mattress as she turns towards Cosima.

“Tell me about it,” Cosima says after a long moment, turning her head so that she's facing Sarah too – what little she _can_ see in the near-pitch blackness of the room.

“I mean, it's really not anythin' special Cos,” Sarah shrugs, rubbing her forehead and trying to dispel the hangover headache.

“Please Sarah?” Cosima asks almost desperately, her hand reaching out across the bed blindly for Sarah's. Reaching out for an anchor. Something to make the events of the night a little less heavy.

Sarah feels Cosima’s hand squeeze hers and, well, how can she say no? And, despite the circumstances, it _had_ been nice. For the most part. “Elle,” Sarah starts slowly, sounding the name out again, the syllable feeling familiar on her tongue. “I think, anyways. I was just lookin’ for… I dunno, just _someone,_ really. Because I needed…,” Sarah trails off, heavy words breaking across her teeth and falling sharply into the space between them. “A distraction,” Sarah finally settles on. “An’ she was my type, I guess, I dunno.”

“Sarah Manning has a _type_ for the ladies?” Cosima asks in muted surprise because, really, _how_ did she not see that coming?

“I mean, sure,” Sarah shrugs, the movement reaching all the way down to their intertwined hands. “You’re surprised, Cos? About me, when you’re dating Delphine and all that?”

Cosima’s hand twitches involuntarily at the mention of _that name,_ but she breathes out, shakes off the tension that’s suddenly _there_ and shuffles even closer to Sarah’s warmth. “The Delphine who cares more about me in her apparent _death_ than whenever she’s actually alive, you mean?” she laughs bitterly, unable to stop the emotion from tumbling forth.

Sarah is silent for a long moment, and in the darkness her thumb starts tracing little spirals around the back of Cosima’s hand soothingly. “If it’s meant to be-” she tries.

“Bullshit,” Cosima snaps abruptly, her hand suddenly tightening around Sarah’s. “Sarah, that’s bullshit, and you know it.”

“Cos, I didn’t mean-”

“I thought that once too, okay?” Cosima sighs sharply, breaking their connection for the first time as she presses her palms to her forehead. “I thought that too, that she was my forever, that she was my soulmate, that she would come back. That she’d come back _to me._ ”

Sarah hauls her aching body up and reaches an arm out to pull Cosima in closer to her chest. “She is back though, Cos. Fee had said that Krystal saw her, right?” Sarah soothes as Cosima tucks her head under Sarah’s chin, errant tears dampening Sarah’s shirt collar.

Sarah feels Cosima shake her head. “She never comes back for me,” she whimpers slightly, her fists tightening around the fabric of Sarah’s tank, bunching it up around Sarah’s waist.

Sarah’s breath hitches slightly as Cosima’s skin brushes Sarah’s belly, but she pushes it to the side, cradling the back of Cosima’s head closer to her chest as she presses her lips to Cosima’s rough dreads. “She will this time,” she murmurs, not entirely sure why she was trying to encourage Cosima back to someone they both knew was bad news.

“I don’t think I want her to,” Cosima whispers, lifting her head to look into Sarah’s eyes.

They’re so close - _Cosima_ is so _close_ \- that Sarah can’t really breathe, that Sarah feels every little exhale from Cosima’s lips, can feel the tips of their noses brushing together, can almost feel the little tremble of Cosima’s lip against her own. “How come?” she barely manages.

Cosima doesn’t respond right away, biting that trembling lower lip instead in apparent thought. “What was it like, with Elle?”

Sarah huffs out a little laugh, more out of surprise than anything else. “Uh,” she starts, absently winding her arm around Cosima’s waist as her other hand settles somewhere between their midriffs. “Good, I s’pose,” she shrugs, the twitch causing Cosima’s shirt to ride up slightly around her hipbones, Sarah’s bare arm sending little shocks across Cosima’s skin.

“Yeah, she… caught my eye,” Sarah murmurs, her hand slipping absently under Cosima’s shirt to rest at the small of her back. “And.. I dunno. It’s.. been awhile. Since I’ve been intimate, with a women, I mean. Not since Bobby, anyways.”

Cosima tilts her forehead at this new information, nearly knocking their heads together. “As in, the bartender?”

“Yeah,” Sarah replies casually, pulling her head back slightly so she could study Cosima a little better. “Why, you surprised by that?”

“A little!” Cosima admits, “But only because your taste in men is… pretty much awful.”

“Oi!” Sarah sits up a little, offended. “You had _zero_ complaints when I brought Cal around, remember?”

“True,” Cosima gives, lifting her arm and settling it over Sarah’s, reaching up to play with the ends of Sarah’s mane at her back. “But he’s the exception and you know it.”

Sarah nudges Cosima’s belly with her fist but concedes. “Bobby isn’t though,” she says, “And _that_ you _have_ to agree with.”

Cosima nods, bumping foreheads with Sarah and staying there. “Wish I had your great taste in women,” Cosima agrees, sighing in mock wistfulness as well as a little self-loathing.

“Hey now,” Sarah cuts in gently, “Don’t do that t’yourself Cos. It’s not like the cards we’ve been dealt have exactly been good for either our romantic lives.”

Cosima hums, breathing in deeply and pressing impossibly closer to Sarah under the covers. “Yeah…,” she says, “All the lying and the betraying and the deceiving and the excusing-”

“Yeah but, Cos, she is definitely is a looker,” Sarah says, then shrugs sheepishly when Cosima stares at her incredulously. “Not a good kisser though, but-”

Cosima rolls her eyes, “Ooh my god, I forgot about the time you were me! And that’s another thing, okay, like... she didn’t know it was you until like.. she kissed you? Like, god, some girlfriend.”

Sarah reaches out to Cosima’s face, running her thumb along Cosima’s jawline, shaking her head a little. “What’d I tell you about beating yourself up, Cos?” she admonishes gently, “We all make mistakes, yeah?”

“Your taste in men, my taste in women,” Cosima says.

“I thought you did bloody well with Shay actually, for what it’s worth.”

Cosima ducks her head so that Sarah’s palm is now cupping her cheek. Closes her eyes at the warmth of Sarah’s skin. “It’s worth a lot, Sarah,” she says quietly. “You always know what to say and like… you just, you know what things I need, and, _god_ you actually _listen_ when I say something and you.. you _respect_ my decisions, like. Delphine doesn’t.. hasn’t.. she hasn’t done, like, any of that. And she says she’s doing it for _me_ , but it’s never like what you do, or when you do things for me. It’s different when it’s you. It always has been.”

Sarah’s breathing stalls at Cosima’s words. She has always thought about Cosima differently than her other sisters, she has always known that there was something _different_ about the way she felt about Cosima than the way she felt about any of the others.

“D’you feel it too?” Sarah breathes, and they’re _so close_ and Sarah knows - she just _knows_ \- but she has to _really_ know, she has to ask, can’t leave this kind of thing to chance anymore, because it’s there - Cosima’s there, Cosima’s _here_ \- and she has to _know_ -

“I did when I first met you,” Cosima replies, and Sarah’s world stops because, well because there’s.. there’s an “ _and”_ coming, there’s more to that statement, there has to be- “And I still do now, Sarah.”

Sarah’s heart explodes and she can’t even stop herself from closing the gap that suddenly seems like a chasm, and kissing Cosima tenderly, with every passion that she’s been holding back until now. Every word of worthiness that she’s been unable to say because of Delphine, she pours into her kiss now, like honey and sunlight. Like the brightness that she’s come to associate with Cosima. All the things that Delphine can’t give her, or won’t give her, everything that Sarah knows Cosima to be that Delphine hides away, Sarah gives. And she gives. And she gives her everything. She gives Cosima life.

“You’ve been waiting a long time to do that, haven’t you?” Cosima smirks, but her eyes are soft as they gaze into Sarah’s.

“Just a little while,” Sarah grins back. “Hoping to do it more often now, if you’d like.”

Cosima hums happily, “Yeah Sarah. I think I’d be alright with that.”

 


End file.
